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   Many working mothers feel guilty about the time that their work takes away from their kids. As a result, it is not uncommon for them to change their behavior in an effort to try and “make up” for working. Do you change the way that you play with your kids? Have you become so engrossed in your business endeavors that you have almost stopped playing with them entirely?

Do you:

• buy your kids more things than you feel like they need almost as if to say, “yes, mommy’s been away but look what that gets you (all of these nice things)?”
• try and pack in too many activities into your kids schedules (even though your family time and energy level suffers because of it)?
• try to do it all for them when you are home OR totally checkout (retreating to a bedroom or becoming unavailable / unresponsive) because you’re tired from having way too much on your plate?
• buy them things that will keep them busy so you can work more at home?

   There are several really key things that I have noticed in the moms around me and as a result I am very conscious of my own behaviors in these areas. It’s really made a world of difference in how balanced I feel.

1. Don’t rush them -“Hurry up, we have to go!” “Hurry now, we have to get home so I can make dinner.” Hurry, come on, get a move on, yadda, yadda, yadda. The world is moving at a fast enough pace for kids these days. ADD and ADHD are on the rise. Kids are “plugged in” to something more than they are connecting with their own families. Parents are stressed and short tempered.

Rushing –> Adrenaline –> Easily Irritated

   My own young children (3 and 6 years old) are very sensitive to this. If I start telling them to hurry, hurry, hurry, within an hour someone is having a melt-down or “acting up”. I try to be very conscious of slowing myself down before I pick up my kids from preschool/school. I listen to s-l-o-w music in the car if it’s rush hour, traffic is jammed, and I have to hurry to get the kids picked up. Letting my adrenaline get the best of me will not make me get there any faster. Besides, if I’m all hyped up when I pick up the kids, then they pick up on that and end up feeding it right back to me in the form of some sort of tantrum!

2. Realize that your kids have missed you.- No matter how badly they act when you see them after even a brief separation your kids have missed you.

   Have you ever heard that a married couple that spends too much time apart will spend their first few hours (or days) together fighting? You’ve missed each other so much that now you are together again and you feel like you have to fit it all in! Stop telling yourself, even in some small way, that they haven’t even noticed that you’ve been gone. Of course they have!!! Just ask them. (Don’t start feeling guilty about this. We’ll address that in a minute.)

   Here’s exactly what you can say,“you really missed me today didn’t you?” (Child answers.) “I really missed you alot today too. I thought about you (at whatever time) and was wondering how your day was going.” This is particularly effective if done just as a fight is about to begin or a child becomes weepy.

   To put it another way, I heard a preschool teacher say that kids save all of their important emotions for their parents. I’m sure that you have talked to your child’s teacher only to have figured out that they don’t always act the way that they do at home.

3. Evaluate how much time you are spending away from your kids. Make sure you are comfortable with that. If you absolutely are, then great! That means perhaps that you have a business or job that you love. In this case, you are just going to have to accept (as are your children) that you are going to miss some time in their lives. Trying to find ways to connect with your kids more often can help. Leave them notes in their lunch boxes. If they are too small for that, tape a family picture inside their bag or leave some with their teacher. If they are older and have a cellphone, text messaging can be a great way to connect. My kids love to send daddy a picture on his cellphone during the work day! It really does seem to keep him more “in the loop” as to what is going on in their day. 

   If you are not happy with how much you’re away from them, then it may be time to evaluate your work options or set better boundaries with your work / life balance.

3. Slow down with them. The end of the school day or work day is crunch time for a lot of families. Make the most of this time.

Here are some ideas:

Fix dinner together. (My kids help me almost every night in some way.) Use this time to teach them, ask about their day, tell them about yours, share old family memories, etc..

Plan several lighter, faster meals for during the week, try out one of those fix-ahead dinner businesses that are popping up all over the country (or at least hijack their menu ideas for what will freeze well!), do a marathon cooking session (a.k.a. once a month cooking), or just adopt a consistent menu schedule (Monday is pasta night, Tuesday’s are soup and salad, Wednesday is ethnic night, Thursday nights we eat out (something healthy), Friday is living room picnic night, etc., etc..)

Play a game after dinner. Quick card games with few rules can be great here. Go fish, old maid, blackjack (21), war, UNO, and similar games are wonderful, easy games that take very little brain power at the end of a long day. Operation, Perfection, and Trouble are easy classics as well. My 3 year old likes it when I get out a deck of cards, lay out one card at a time and ask her, “what number is that?” She could easily go through the deck several times before tiring of it. Then I have to promptly hand over the box so she can put all of the cards back in it one – by – one. Trust me, THAT is the epitome of having to slow down.

Sit on the couch, turn on the TV, put somebody’s head in your lap, and stroke their hair. There’s nothing quite like a little loving from mom. Maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll return the favor!

4. Get rid of the timer in your head. Maybe you do have a thousand things to do. We all do. Small business owners always have something that needs their attention. Just turn it off and really focus on your kids in the present moment. Find that boring / difficult? Then perhaps, its time to get a little “unplugged” yourself.

Happy Kids + Balance in my business = Happy Me

   Don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel overwhelmed. You can do this. Don’t let problems linger or they can lead you straight down the road to burnout and right out of business. There are thousands of us out here that are doing it. You just have to find the right methods.

   So, how’s it going out there in your small business world? What’s working for you and where do you still face challenges on this issue? How have you combatted working mother guilt? I’d love to hear from you. Share your experiences by leaving a comment on this blog post. And as always, I’ll see you around Momville!

I’ve been searching quite a lot lately for articles, websites, ideas, etc. doing research for Momville.com and so I’m bouncing along and ran across this great article on mom entrepreneurs and their stress over at MSNBC. Everything was going along great until I started reading the comments to this post. Needless to say this guy really got me quite hot!

Here are his comments:

The above article doesn’t mention the number of women with advanced degrees who [correctly] opt out of the work force to do what they should be doing:  take care of their families.  

Yes there are a few great female CEOs.  There are a lot of posers. The politically correct “superFem” role model in the US has denigrated the role of the male work force, turned women into self-seeking failures, and gone no where.  Amazingly, superFems are the rising stars of a dying economy.

A non-linear brain, though more complex than a male linear model, is more suited to support than leadership.

There is a tremendous social and societal cost to all of this. As women gain in political stature, their complexity results in unrealistic laws and management.  Nancy Pelosi is a monstrous representative of obstructionism.  She promised immediate results upon election but has delivered nothing.

Gloria Steinem and her ilk need to read the Bible instead of removing it from society.

Are you upset yet? Well, I surely was. And so here is my rebuttal, which thankfully they decided to allow.

I don’t think that the superFem role is politically correct so much as it is “about time”. For the first time in human history, women actually have a choice as to whether they would like to stay home, have kids, and raise a family or work overtime, get more advanced degrees, and have a career.
  As far as having a non-linear brain goes, I would say that in some form, you are correct. I believe that this makes women more capable at completing many complex tasks / projects at one time that require attention to detail and teamwork instead of just pure leadership (standing around and pointing the finger). It sounds like to me that in the future corporate working models are going to have to change to accommodate this new way of working that women are adeptly proficient at.
  And at last that brings us to, Nancy Pelosi’s lack of deliverance. While I may not agree with her, she most definitely has been preceeded by several thousand years of men that promised the moon but only delivered rocks once they were in power.

   If they allowed a 5 page comment, I certainly would’ve given him one! Ladies out there, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad or degraded because of the work / life choices that you are making about taking care of yourself and your children. Many of our grandmothers had to stay home because they couldn’t really work. Many of our mothers felt as if they had to work because it was really the first time that women had truly been let out of the cage (and not had their wings clipped).

   So, regardless of the choices that you are making or struggling with, whether that is working full-time, working part-time, staying home altogether (SAHM), working from home (WAHM), or opening your own small business so that you can have your career completely on your own terms – just know that there are thousands of us out here with you. You are not alone!

   People are not always going to understand, no matter what your choices are. Someone will complain that you should be working (”how can you stay home all the time with your kids?!”). Somebody else will come up with all of the reasons that you should quit your job (”maybe you should just stay home and watch the kids!”). Any of these methods are going to be totally new and foreign to someone that you run into because it is different than their ideas of what parenting should be.

   I think that what is happening is that we, as a gender and as a society, are balancing out the equation. Perhaps your mom worked too much when you were growing up, so now you want to stay home. Maybe she always felt unfulfilled in life because she never got a chance to pursue her career – putting the seed in your head that you should work. We are finally going for the gusto and refusing to settle for second best. We want to put ourselves AND our children AND our careers first, all at the same time. You really are going to have to be a trailblazer and do what is right for you and your family. Hurrah!

   My own mother always told me that I could do absolutely anything that I put my mind too. I believed her! And look at me now! I love it. I even surprise her these days. (”What in the world made you think that you could do all that you’ve done? You’ve done a wonderful job of balancing it all out. I wish I could have done that!) Which just goes to show you – be careful what you instill in your children they might actually believe you!

Comments? Thoughts? Ideas? I’d love to hear them. Post them as a comment, you trailblazer you.

Want to read the original article? Check it out here –> Mom Entrepreneurs Are Stressed Out

See also the YourBiz area over at MSNBC for some great small business articles.

Also check out theWAHM Magazine, as the editor-in-chief commented on me and I really like a lady with a bit of spunk. They are doing some great articles and work over there. It’s a resource for work at home parents (WAHM or WAHD). Enjoy!

   Over the years, I’ve seen an awful lot of really small businesses come and go. Most of the time it seems to be because they simply just didn’t know any better. I don’t want that to happen to you!

   We are going to try to avoid huge debt, not being able to pay the bills, no / slow sales.

   There are some things that you simply have to do to stay in business and have it be profitable and continue to grow. If your business is sagging, lacking profits or not growing, then listen up!

1. Get a good accountant. No H&R block does not count! Come on folks. Did you know that most of those people in there only took a 2 week course to help you file the paperwork for your taxes? Most of them don’t even work all year long doing taxes! They did not learn about how to save you money on your taxes. That is not what they are there for. That is partly your job as a small business owner. You are not an employee anymore! Which brings us to number 2.

    Requirements for a good account? A referral helps. Start asking any business owner that you know who they use for an accountant. Get 3 – 5 names and then call those people and talk to them. What kind of education do they have? Do they have an actual real office location somewhere? What type of clients do they have? Do they have any clients in your industry (manufacturing, daycare, haircare, service industry, consulting, web based businesses, etc..)

I don’t / won’t use:

people who work out of their house (not for an accountant, no way)

anyone who is not a licensed C.P.A. (certified public accountant)

anyone who just “does it on the side” and has a day job doing something else.

2. Learn as much as you can about the IRS tax code. My filing cabinet is organized according to the lines on my tax forms. No, I’m not kidding. Every line that I use (or think that I am going to use soon) has it’s own folder in the drawers. Why? Because at the end of the year, that’s all that matters. If I don’t take a deduction that I rightfully deserve, I have lost money in the form of a tax bill that is higher than it should be. Girl, forget clipping coupons and getting things on sale. This mistake will cost you thousands!

   So, what’s a girl to do? H & R block gives a 2 week tax prep course. Most community colleges offer small business accounting. I know it’s a yawn but it is a necessary evil. It is an important part of a business owners education. You can also check with the SBA for courses. There are many books of small business tax prep but beware that the information becomes dated very quickly.

   The easiest way to do this is to get a copy of every single IRS tax form your accountant is going to file on your behalf. Then sit down with them and have them circle very single deduction you are going to be eligible for and give you a super quick overview as to what that deduction is for and what records are necessary to prove it. You have to know those two things! This whole process should take between 15 and 45 minutes depending on how complicated your business situation is. For most Really Small Business (RSB) owners, it’s about 20 minutes. (If your accountant is lazy and doesn’t want to do this for you, go somewhere else! This is NOT negotiable!)

   Then, take your forms and research those deductions that were circled. The IRS has a free publication for every form that you have to fill out. Those publications are available online for free at www.irs.gov. You can also choose the publications that you want and have them sent to you in the mail from that same website.

3. Read some business books. Oh yeah, you’re going to have to read some pretty dry stuff, but you know what? You and the profitable future of your business are soooo worth it! Don’t want to read up on any business topics? Then girlfriend, it’s time to get your old job back because this is a part of what great business owners do.

     Some books I like are:

     Purple Cow by Seth Godin

4. Stop having a high tolerance for low pay. Don’t cut too many deals. Stop deeply discounting your product / service. That’s an excuse for either not doing the footwork necessary in building your business up or trying to sell a product / service that needs work / tweaking / ditching!

   Nobody sells 100% of the people that they approach. It just doesn’t happen. Therefore, you have to have enough eyeballs looking at your product / service to get enough takers. Read some books about sales to help you with all of the nuances necessary here.

   If you can’t get the price that you are asking then you need to ask yourself some serious questions.

What kind of client am I trying to sell this product to?

Can they afford the prices I am charging?

If not, who could afford the prices that I want to charge?

Would this product be appealing to them as is?

What would I need to do in order to make it appealing to them?

5. Get some sales training. Read sales books. Read online websites about sales. Read, read, read. Take a sales course either online or locally from a community college.

6. Ditto for marketing / advertising. You have to learn how to design an ad (if you are going to use print advertising) that will pull inquiries about your product or service. If it doesn’t pull, you won’t sell anything! You have to learn how to track your advertising and make sure that where you are spending your dollars is actually bringing in customers.

The number one mistake of small business advertising is this: if it doesn’t bring in customers, then don’t use it!

   If you know that your ad looks good and says the right things about your business, and you know that the paper / magazine is definitely serving your target market, and you know that the ad isn’t too small, then it should be pulling for you – period. Don’t let the ad guys tell you anything else! Remember, they are on commission!

   The goal is to spend as little as possible and pull in as many sales as possible. Here’s a little true story for you. I had a friend that opened a small business. Within 6 months, she had contacted a TV station for some advertising because some non-business owning “friends” thought it would be cool / a good idea. (”All business advertise on TV, right?”) A slick sales rep sold her $30,000 worth of TV advertising on a channel that her target market didn’t even watch! Her friends watched it and saw the ads but they didn’t bring in but a tiny handful (less than 10) new clients! OUCH! It utterly breaks my heart. Where do you think her business is today? They went out of business 2 years ago!

   This brings us to rule number 7.

7. Don’t take advice from people that don’t own a profitable business! Ask yourself these questions about someone you are getting advice from. Do they own a small business? How long have they been in business? What kinds of things do they say about their business? (Business has been slowing, we don’t sell as much as we used to, I need to retire, I need to get rid of this place, my employees get on my nerves, etc., etc..) or is it this (Wow, we’ve been swamped! That last ad is really bringing in the clients! Our new products are doing really well.) A lot of business owners will “fake it till you make it” when it comes to their customers but not usually with other business owners. When they sit down to talk shop, they are usually pretty honest about what is really going on.

8. Don’t buy things in the beginning that won’t actually effect your sales. (Like $30,000 worth of TV advertising!) Stay away from $5000 conference tables, expensive assistants, and the like. Don’t buy an expensive item when a more affordable item will get the job done.

   I knew a woman once that wouldn’t put a fence up for her home daycare because she wanted to wait and get the really nice white vinyl fencing (but she couldn’t afford it at the time). Now, take in mind that she neededthat fence to get a 4 star rating (the best rating) in this local area (outdoor areas had to be fenced in). That would have more than filled her daycare as soon as the rating had been acheived and published/promoted locally! The fence would have been $2500 – $3500. Needless to say, she went out of business before the fence could be purchased. What a shame.

   Much better to put in the cheaper fencing, get the 4 star rating, fill the daycare to capacity, then work on rasing the whole level of the daycare, then raise rates 1 year or so later, then save to buy the super nice fence with all of the profits your making!

   This brings us to rule number 9.

9. Don’t bleed your business dry. You can not take out 80 – 90% of the money that the business makes every month and expect for the business to grow. There will be no money for expanding or upgrading your business as you go along, and there’s a lot of upgrading in the first 3 years or so.

   In the beginning, I didn’t take a dime of the profits for about 6 -8 months (I lived off of my savings and cut way back on everything.). Then I moved on to only taking small amounts every month ($200- $400 per month) for about another 6 months. Now, I have myself on what I call a draw / salary. I write myself the same check every month and re-evaluate my salary about once per year.

   Your Really Small Business (RSB) also needs to have it’s very own savings account. No, I’m not kidding. Think about it. This business entity is going to need to stand on it’s own two feet some day. What is going to happen in the slow months? Where is the money going to come from? Your own personal wallet, that’s where. Debt, credit cards, loans, etc.. Bad move. That alone puts many people out of business.

10. Figure out what is missing in your industry and in the local businesses that are in the same field. When you look over their website and marketing materials (you have done that right?), what do you see that is missing? What would make it an ideal purchase for you as a customer? Better hours, friendlier people, more amenities, etc., etc., etc..? What would you find amazingly useful / helpful if you were a customer for this same product? Remember, price is not truly a factor in most cases. Fill in the gaps with your own business and then tell the world about it (or at least your own town)!

11. If you are in a storefront or brick and mortar industry, you will have to clean up / replace items at least every 3 years. Your business will need a total makeover every 5 – 7 years. Image is everything. Customers don’t want to see dingy or fingerprinted walls, dirty bathrooms (take note of that one auto repair places!), or see nasty uniforms on your employees. Get it clean, keep it keep, and freshen up often. Update your colors. Change out some furniture. Change your signage. Deep clean everything. Get a makeover yourself to coincide at the same time as all of the rest of this. I recently did a total interior re-vamp, and business is booming.

   Make sure that you notify your past customers somehow when you do a total makeover like this. (”Come see our fresh new look! postcards or on your website would be helpful.)

   Note: If you are doing alot of retail sales, you need to be updating those displays at least monthly. Move things around. Change up the signage and backgrounds. People stop seeing products that are always displayed in the same old way. Think up something new. Research “product merchandising”, “retail displays”, or “retail merchandising”. Do some window shopping and make notes of the displays and windows that knock your socks off. Then go back to your place and put a twist on your own copy.

   Well, there are the first 11 rules to live by. Print them out, stamp them on your forehead, or put them on your mirror. Every single one of these rules I have either lived through or personally seen broken, with dire consequences to follow. I really feel that these are some of the worst of the worst.

   Feel free to post a comment with your own rule that you feel I’ve left out or some sage wisdom that you’ve learned over the years. We could all use the experience of other people to help us “fail faster” so that we win sooner! Good luck ladies!

Additional Links Of Interest:

Check out this great article 15 Abilities You Must Have To Get Out Of The Rat Race for additional ideas to be successful as a mompreneur.

   You have to have a lot of guts to totally redesign your life. Fellas, imagine this. I want you to decide to quit your job or totally change jobs somewhere between 1 month and the next 6 months? That is the reality that hits a lot of new moms. Sometimes after the birth of their child, a woman just decides that there is no way that she could imagine totally leaving that helpless newborn in the care of some complete stranger for 40 hours per week (plus commute time). Blame it on survival of the species. We just aren’t meant to leave a baby alone. (Let’s see you leave your new babe on your front lawn for the next 8 hours. Bet you couldn’t do it.)

   The hormone surge that ensues after leaving a child initially equates to feeling like someone is playing ping-pong with your mental capacity for the day. Crying is common. Calling the childcare provider, whoever it is, 5 times per day becomes an instant obsessive-compulsive disorder. Who are we kidding? The first few weeks back at work are useless. We are definitely not thinking about work. Productivity drops to about 20% of our norm.

   So, what is a mom to do?

1. Go back to work anyway – full-tilt, regular schedule. Ignore the hormones and have bouts of guilt from time to time. “Am I working too much and taking too much time away from my child? “I’m missing their childhood.” “I want to be involved more.”  These thoughts can lead some ladies to number 2.
2. Get more flexible with work.  Many moms find themselves standing up for what they need from their job environment for the first time in their adult careers and perhaps in their adult life. Suddenly, asking to work part-time doesn’t seem crazy. Cutting back expenses to make it happen seems doable. Perhaps telecommuting from home is an option. Changing companies to a workplace that is more flexible makes some moms happier with their work / life balance. For some, they choose option number 3.
3. Change careers. Yes, even after a long time on the job, you may suddenly decide that the 60 hour weeks that are typical in your industry are just no longer appealing or doable. It’s time for a career change. Or maybe, you go on to option number 4.
4. Become a mompreneur. What is that? A women with a child (or children) that decides to start her own business to earn a living. Many of these businesses are extremely flexible in days and hours. You can set your own schedule. You can take off a day from work without asking if the kids are sick. You can go to soccer clinics, t-ball games and swim practice. You can fit your work in around your life, instead of the other way around. This option is not for the faint of heart or those with a weak stomach. Start-up companies are tough. Ask anyone who has tried it. It takes innovation, creativity, and thinking outside the box. You set the rules and the goals. But therein lies the problem, because you are setting the rules and the goals, that can also be your downfall. You’ll have to learn to be focused. Very focused. It can be a wonderful mission for those who choose to accept it or it can make you think that you’ll go bald from the stress of it. It can be hard to be ladylike and bald, you know.

   Let’s face it, sometimes women do not always ask for what they need out of life, work, or relationships. Becoming a mom can absolutely change that. A book I read recently titled, Secrets of Six-Figure Women by Barbara Stanny really hammers this home in an amazing way. (I highly recommend this book for all women especially if right now you make less than $30,000 per year.)

   Sit down with a pen and paper and figure out what life you want for your family and you. What situation is truly going to make you happy? At the end of the day, what are your goals for re-designing your work life? More time at home? More flexibility? More money? Same money, less hours? Less commuting? More self-satisfaction? Now then, do some brainstorming and figure out the path to get you there. The path is there you just have to find it. And guess what, there are alot of other moms out there just like you trying to do the same thing!

   Post a comment and tell us what type of work arrangement you currently have. Share your work story!