Momville.com

I’ve been searching quite a lot lately for articles, websites, ideas, etc. doing research for Momville.com and so I’m bouncing along and ran across this great article on mom entrepreneurs and their stress over at MSNBC. Everything was going along great until I started reading the comments to this post. Needless to say this guy really got me quite hot!

Here are his comments:

The above article doesn’t mention the number of women with advanced degrees who [correctly] opt out of the work force to do what they should be doing:  take care of their families.  

Yes there are a few great female CEOs.  There are a lot of posers. The politically correct “superFem” role model in the US has denigrated the role of the male work force, turned women into self-seeking failures, and gone no where.  Amazingly, superFems are the rising stars of a dying economy.

A non-linear brain, though more complex than a male linear model, is more suited to support than leadership.

There is a tremendous social and societal cost to all of this. As women gain in political stature, their complexity results in unrealistic laws and management.  Nancy Pelosi is a monstrous representative of obstructionism.  She promised immediate results upon election but has delivered nothing.

Gloria Steinem and her ilk need to read the Bible instead of removing it from society.

Are you upset yet? Well, I surely was. And so here is my rebuttal, which thankfully they decided to allow.

I don’t think that the superFem role is politically correct so much as it is “about time”. For the first time in human history, women actually have a choice as to whether they would like to stay home, have kids, and raise a family or work overtime, get more advanced degrees, and have a career.
  As far as having a non-linear brain goes, I would say that in some form, you are correct. I believe that this makes women more capable at completing many complex tasks / projects at one time that require attention to detail and teamwork instead of just pure leadership (standing around and pointing the finger). It sounds like to me that in the future corporate working models are going to have to change to accommodate this new way of working that women are adeptly proficient at.
  And at last that brings us to, Nancy Pelosi’s lack of deliverance. While I may not agree with her, she most definitely has been preceeded by several thousand years of men that promised the moon but only delivered rocks once they were in power.

   If they allowed a 5 page comment, I certainly would’ve given him one! Ladies out there, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad or degraded because of the work / life choices that you are making about taking care of yourself and your children. Many of our grandmothers had to stay home because they couldn’t really work. Many of our mothers felt as if they had to work because it was really the first time that women had truly been let out of the cage (and not had their wings clipped).

   So, regardless of the choices that you are making or struggling with, whether that is working full-time, working part-time, staying home altogether (SAHM), working from home (WAHM), or opening your own small business so that you can have your career completely on your own terms – just know that there are thousands of us out here with you. You are not alone!

   People are not always going to understand, no matter what your choices are. Someone will complain that you should be working (”how can you stay home all the time with your kids?!”). Somebody else will come up with all of the reasons that you should quit your job (”maybe you should just stay home and watch the kids!”). Any of these methods are going to be totally new and foreign to someone that you run into because it is different than their ideas of what parenting should be.

   I think that what is happening is that we, as a gender and as a society, are balancing out the equation. Perhaps your mom worked too much when you were growing up, so now you want to stay home. Maybe she always felt unfulfilled in life because she never got a chance to pursue her career – putting the seed in your head that you should work. We are finally going for the gusto and refusing to settle for second best. We want to put ourselves AND our children AND our careers first, all at the same time. You really are going to have to be a trailblazer and do what is right for you and your family. Hurrah!

   My own mother always told me that I could do absolutely anything that I put my mind too. I believed her! And look at me now! I love it. I even surprise her these days. (”What in the world made you think that you could do all that you’ve done? You’ve done a wonderful job of balancing it all out. I wish I could have done that!) Which just goes to show you – be careful what you instill in your children they might actually believe you!

Comments? Thoughts? Ideas? I’d love to hear them. Post them as a comment, you trailblazer you.

Want to read the original article? Check it out here –> Mom Entrepreneurs Are Stressed Out

See also the YourBiz area over at MSNBC for some great small business articles.

Also check out theWAHM Magazine, as the editor-in-chief commented on me and I really like a lady with a bit of spunk. They are doing some great articles and work over there. It’s a resource for work at home parents (WAHM or WAHD). Enjoy!

   Today was one of those days where I was really happy that I don’t have a corporate job. Today reminded me of why I enjoy working for myself so much. My son decided when he woke up this morning that he just didn’t want to do the Kindergarten thing today. “I don’t feel good. My leg hurts. I’m tired.” yadda, yadda, yadda. And so it went until the crying started just as he was about to walk out the door and get in the car.

   We sat at the bottom of our steps and discussed what was wrong with him at the moment. “My leg hurts.” “Did you bump it or hit it on something yesterday at school?”, I replied. “I don’t know”, he said. “Well maybe you’re just growing. You know sometimes when you are growing so big and so fast, your body can hurt or ache a little. Maybe you can try to walk it off and see if that will make it feel better.” So he got up, walked out the front door, and I thought that was the end of it.

   Oh no, of course not. It could never be that easy. He walked up and down our sidewalk a few times before returning to our front door, tears streaming down his face. “Can’t I just stay home today?” he said. “Now baby, you know that I can’t let you stay home if you aren’t really sick. You need to go on to school today and at least try.” So he turned around, went out the door (still crying), walked down the sidewalk, and turned back to look at me as if to say “you know, you could save me if you really wanted to. All you have to do is say that I can stay home.” Ugh! The guilt! The horror! Why do they do that!!!??? ::sigh:: This part of being a mom sucks.

   At about 11:30am the school called. My little fella had come back from art class and was crying. The teacher didn’t know why really, she just knew that it wasn’t like my son to be emotional so she thought she’d call and find out what I wanted to do. “Do you think he’s sick?, I quickly asked her. “Well, I don’t know”, she said. “Maybe he is a little hot.”

   Thank God. An excuse. Something, anything, that would give me permission to get what he wanted – the rest of the day off. Sometimes we all just make up our minds that we just can’t do it today (whatever it entails in our lives). And you know what? That’s ok. Except as a working mom you are limited in how lenient you can be with that policy. There are only so many days that you can take off from work, you know? I was really glad today that I decided a long time ago to rid myself of that stress causing issue by working for myself. 

   “Ok, we’ll be there in a few minutes to pick him up.” So I packed up my 2 year old and off to the school we went. While I was in the office, he came to the door to meet me. “You must have seen me coming, hmm?” “Yep.” he said. “Well, let’s take you home, get you some lunch, and you can lay down and take a nap. You’ll need the rest if you’re sick.” A few head pattings and soft back strokes later and we were off.

   We weren’t even out of the parking lot yet when he announced that he wasn’t really sick. “I think I’m just growing.” he said. Yes son, you certainly are.

   You have to have a lot of guts to totally redesign your life. Fellas, imagine this. I want you to decide to quit your job or totally change jobs somewhere between 1 month and the next 6 months? That is the reality that hits a lot of new moms. Sometimes after the birth of their child, a woman just decides that there is no way that she could imagine totally leaving that helpless newborn in the care of some complete stranger for 40 hours per week (plus commute time). Blame it on survival of the species. We just aren’t meant to leave a baby alone. (Let’s see you leave your new babe on your front lawn for the next 8 hours. Bet you couldn’t do it.)

   The hormone surge that ensues after leaving a child initially equates to feeling like someone is playing ping-pong with your mental capacity for the day. Crying is common. Calling the childcare provider, whoever it is, 5 times per day becomes an instant obsessive-compulsive disorder. Who are we kidding? The first few weeks back at work are useless. We are definitely not thinking about work. Productivity drops to about 20% of our norm.

   So, what is a mom to do?

1. Go back to work anyway – full-tilt, regular schedule. Ignore the hormones and have bouts of guilt from time to time. “Am I working too much and taking too much time away from my child? “I’m missing their childhood.” “I want to be involved more.”  These thoughts can lead some ladies to number 2.
2. Get more flexible with work.  Many moms find themselves standing up for what they need from their job environment for the first time in their adult careers and perhaps in their adult life. Suddenly, asking to work part-time doesn’t seem crazy. Cutting back expenses to make it happen seems doable. Perhaps telecommuting from home is an option. Changing companies to a workplace that is more flexible makes some moms happier with their work / life balance. For some, they choose option number 3.
3. Change careers. Yes, even after a long time on the job, you may suddenly decide that the 60 hour weeks that are typical in your industry are just no longer appealing or doable. It’s time for a career change. Or maybe, you go on to option number 4.
4. Become a mompreneur. What is that? A women with a child (or children) that decides to start her own business to earn a living. Many of these businesses are extremely flexible in days and hours. You can set your own schedule. You can take off a day from work without asking if the kids are sick. You can go to soccer clinics, t-ball games and swim practice. You can fit your work in around your life, instead of the other way around. This option is not for the faint of heart or those with a weak stomach. Start-up companies are tough. Ask anyone who has tried it. It takes innovation, creativity, and thinking outside the box. You set the rules and the goals. But therein lies the problem, because you are setting the rules and the goals, that can also be your downfall. You’ll have to learn to be focused. Very focused. It can be a wonderful mission for those who choose to accept it or it can make you think that you’ll go bald from the stress of it. It can be hard to be ladylike and bald, you know.

   Let’s face it, sometimes women do not always ask for what they need out of life, work, or relationships. Becoming a mom can absolutely change that. A book I read recently titled, Secrets of Six-Figure Women by Barbara Stanny really hammers this home in an amazing way. (I highly recommend this book for all women especially if right now you make less than $30,000 per year.)

   Sit down with a pen and paper and figure out what life you want for your family and you. What situation is truly going to make you happy? At the end of the day, what are your goals for re-designing your work life? More time at home? More flexibility? More money? Same money, less hours? Less commuting? More self-satisfaction? Now then, do some brainstorming and figure out the path to get you there. The path is there you just have to find it. And guess what, there are alot of other moms out there just like you trying to do the same thing!

   Post a comment and tell us what type of work arrangement you currently have. Share your work story!

I think I’m in love.

   You know, I worked for myself for a long time. I’ve also worked by myself for half of my work, for a long time, from home. It’s quiet. It’s productive (mostly) but sometimes it’s lonely. And it certainly hasn’t helped budged me out of my PJ’s on some days. Yes, my working wardrobe has dwindled to dwarf my collection of mommy clothes and t-shirts.

   Then I came across a site for a place called the Hive. And then I found this site about coworking locations. Could it be true? Are there really lots of these little places popping up? Hmm, reasonable rates for a private office. Cool furniture, hip and urban office space, conference room space, and then there’s – people. Real, bonafide, people working right there in a similar location. You wouldn’t have to talk with them or interact with them but they could just be there – working. Wow, someone to take a drink break with. Nice.

   Anyone know of one of these co-working office locations in Charlotte, N.C.? If so, I may have to change my long term plans to actually include some office life. Imagine that, you could go “on” to work when you wanted or you could stay home and work – also when you wanted. Nice. Where do I sign up?

Additional links of interest:

Cubes & Crayons     -     Childcare and a co-working location together. Wow.